


The Universe Is Not Your Friend

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Heavy Angst, Hurt Lance (Voltron), I apologise, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 22:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11366787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The universe is not your friend. Pain is always there, even though it's sometimes covered up by joy, it sits waiting for a moment win no hope of joy or love in it. Lance learns all of this the hard way. He learns it by crashing to the ground.





	The Universe Is Not Your Friend

The last words Lance heard before the lights cut in his lion and he started to spiral towards the ground were Keith's; "don't do something stupid!" Don't do anything stupid Lance, don't take out a load of Galra ships in the coolest way possible - which he had and it was fucking awesome - don't forget that some of the ships have guns that can shoot you like a sitting duck. That's all he had seen before it turned to black and all he saw was the ground coming closer and Lance couldn't do anything; a blinding purple light, so bright it was almost white. He had heard the crackle of flames. He had heard the impact that had sent him spiralling. He had heard Keith's words. He hadn't heeded them.

So what could he do? The ground came closer with every second and he was terrified. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to die, in the dark, wishing he had done so much more in his short life. He could hear voices in his ear as he hurtled. Pidge, Hunk, Keith, Shiro and Allura's. Cries of dismay, confused and scared exclaims. Whispers. Whispers that had whipped through Lance's head, knowing they were for him, only for him but he couldn't hear the whispers. Just the noise like wind in his head. He wanted to make a joke,make light of this situation but his voice betrayed him. Even his brain refused to make a joke and for once, spat out the truth. 

"Please help me." His voice was breaking, tears choking him. "I don't want to die." Still he could hear their shouts. The whispers were still there, harsher than before. 

"Lance! We're coming for you, I promise!" Pidge yelled over the intercom. "Hold on!" Pidge didn't normally shout like that. Pidge's exclaims were happy and excited. Their voice sounded muffled, like something was stuck in their throat. "Please..." That voice was horribly quiet, and so full of desperation. Lance couldn't picture Pidge like this, didn't want to. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he was almost touching sand, wasn't fair that any of them had to watch him fall. It definitely wasn't fair that he was going to die. 

He was going to die. He took a shuddering breath, the truth of the matter hitting him; he was gonna die. His friends were gonna watch him die.

I'm sorry Mama. I'm sorry. All that Lance could think of was apologising. Apologise for being stupid, for being so goddamn reckless. He was sorry for himself as well, for all the things he had never done in his life.

"Lance! Can you hear me?" Allura's voice rang through his ear, crystal clear. "The defence mechanisms in the lion will save you from the fall! We're coming to get you!" 

Lance swallowed, "Allura... I think the beam took my lion out. It's gone. There's no lights." He stared at the oncoming ground, how long had he been falling? "I'm sorry Allura. I'm really, really sorry. I love you guys." If he couldn't say it to Keith directly, then he'd say it to all of them. He did love all of them, they were practically his family up here. More tears fell. 

"Yeah, well come back and say it to my fucking face!" Keith yelled. "Get back up here!" His voice sounded dangerously close to a sob. Lance wanted to believe it was a sob, that Keith was upset he was dying. Well, going to.

"For gods sake Lance, I-" 

Then he hit the ground. 

Lance could hear the twisting of metal, could feel the sharp stab of it in his legs. His chest felt heavy. His throat felt dry. His hands shook. But he was alive, heart beating, chest heaving. Holy shit, he was alive. The lion had worked. He smiled. He tried to laugh, but he couldn't. He looked down and saw why; rubble of what he had crashed into and Blue, poor, poor Blue, piled onto him, chest downwards. He might live. His helmet was some way away and he could hear voices. 

"Lance, are you still there?" Shiro.

"He's fucking gone. He... Fuck..." Pidge, crying.

No words from Hunk. Just heavy breathing. Small sobs. 

"Lance we -" Allura, who was promptly cut off by Keith.

"I'm going down! Fuck this, he might be alive! Lance!"

"KEITH!"

Keith was coming for him? Coming for Lance who was lying in a tangle of metal with a crushing weight on him. He had to admit, it was the only comforting thought in the whole situation. He smiled, which turned to a grimace of pain as the weight on him shifted. He could barely breathe. It was so dark. He screwed his eyes shut and thought all the things he would say to his friends could hear him.

Hunk, you're the best friend I could ever ask for. You've always been there for me, thought everything. You comforted me through my worst moments, laughed with me in my best memories. I really do love you Hunk, and I'm sorry if I ever took you for granted. 

The rubble was so heavy. His breaths were getting shallower as he lay there.   
He silently wished he would die. He wanted to die right then just to stop the pain. If he was dead he couldn't hear the sounds of Pidge's cries. Pidge never cried. He hated to see Hunk cry, hated seeing anyone crying, but Hunk cried often. Pidge though? They never did. But here they were, sobbing.

Pidge, he thought, Pidge, you deserve the world. I know you're gonna find your father and Matt. I know you'll get home to your Mama soon. You were my best friend as well. I love how you would listen to my rants and how you would laugh at my stupid jokes. I can't wait to see you again.

He's so alone in here. The voices, slowly dying down, over the intercom were echoing. They were cries now, mixed with Pidge's cursing and them weakly trying to deter Keith from crashing himself into the ground. Lance should whisper something, say something just loud enough that the communications catch it and those can be his final words. He should. 

"I love you, Lance..." Keith's voice came through the helmet. "Pidge put me through to a single line. It's just me." A long sigh. "I really, really love you. You can't even know it, you'll never know it because I didn't say." 

What? What? Had Lance heard him correctly? Had Lance really just heard Keith tell him that he loved him. Him, Lance, who teased Keith and poked fun at him. Keith was batshit insane Lance decided, clearly he was because he was in love with Lance.

"I'm coming to get you. I need to, I can't live knowing that we abandoned you. I'm coming for you. Maybe I can tell you this in person then..." 

Lance groaned as he tried to edge the rubble off of him. He was going to get out. He had more to live for than ever before. He grunted and tried to force the weight off of himself to no avail.

"Don't you dare tell me you're still alive down there." 

Despite the situation he was in, Lance laughed. It hurt to laugh but he couldn't help himself. He laughed because Keith was saying those words after the things he had said before. Lance was laughing because he could see Keith's face as he said it. He laughed because he was going to live.

Keith loved him. He let that fact cover him like a blanket, let the warmth of the truth shroud him and comfort him. He allowed himself a small smile, before answering Keith.

"Yep! I.. Heard all of it." He wheezed, "in your.. Eloquent words; say it to my fucking face," Lance chuckled lightly. Oh god it hurt. 

Stay alive. Stay alive, for Keith. For Hunk and Pidge. For his Mama. For Shiro and Allura and Coran, he was going to live. He had to. He had to ignore the weight on him, the pain in his legs and the pounding of his heart. Do that and he lives. Focus on Keith. Focus just on him. He shut his eyes and tried. Really, really tried. But the fact that the stabbing in his leg was growing with every second was forcing him back to the harsh reality; he was stuck. He looked to his leg, wondering where the agonising stabbing had come from , because he hadn't felt it before.

He wished he hadn't. He wanted to be sick at the sight that greeted him; a long thin piece of metal had pierced his leg and had forced its way through. It had ripped a hole in his suit, and his leg, and was dripping dark blood. Lance couldn't see it fall to the floor and he was glad because he didn't want to know just how much blood he had lost. He could see the tip of the metal though. Dried blood drenched it, and he could almost see fragments of skin hanging off of it. 

Stop. Looking. 

So he did. He stopped looking at his wound and clenched his eyes shut. Ignore the god awful pain. Ignore it. Block it out and pretend it's not there.

It's a fact of nature that you can't ignore pain in times like these. You can't ignore pain because pain is always there. No matter what you do it lies underneath waiting to strike. You can cover it up like a bandage with joy or excitement or love but it waits. Patiently waiting for a moment like this, where there is no joy or happiness or love. That's when it strikes. And it strikes hard.

Lance let himself cry.

He let him cry the tears that had been filling up behind his eyes like a dam. He opened the floodgates and let the water flow. He was human, he felt pain, he felt everything that came his way. You can try to hide it but it always emerges; you can't run away from emotions. That is the last reward. The dawning realisation that comes too late, the realisation that sometimes, sometimes, you have to succumb to yourself. It's not so bad when you get used to it. So he cried. And he waited for Keith to come find him. 

He waited. 

And he waited.

And he waited.

Keith didn't come. Lance had thought that deep in his heart; no one risks their life for a dead man. No one does anything that stupid, least of all for Lance. The sad thing was, he would risk his life for any of the Paladins in a heartbeat. He was the person who was stupid; it was stupidity that got him into this situation. It was Keith that tried to save him. Keith had used up his go of saving him. Lance didn't blame him. Lance didn't mind because he knew he wasn't worth saving. The blue paladin would be an easy replacement. Lance was an easy replacement. He had plenty of siblings that could step into his place. There were plenty of people who preferred Hunk and Pidge and would gladly take his place. There was always someone to replace Lance.

There was a echoing bang from the outside of Blue. She didn't deserve this fate. Lance didn't think he deserved to die either. Another series of bangs.

"LANCE!" A voice called, muffled by the metal. "LANCE ARE YOU THERE?" It was Keith! He hadn't left! He was always coming, he had come. Lance used up what energy he had to shout;

"I'M, I'M HERE!" He yelled. A new surge of hope forced him to shout again, "KEITH I'M HERE!" He was crying again, tears of joy. He was safe. He had Keith. He didn't have much breath after that but he didn't care. 

In the corner of Lance's eye, he saw Keith emerge through a gap in the wreckage. Was it really that easy to get out? A gap? If he could find the strength to push the rubble off him he was free. Easy as that.

"Keith!" He tried to spit out the word but only got as far as "K-" before he was shushed by Keith who had gotten to him without Lance realising. He was crouched down next to Lance, staring at the weight. Staring at his leg, still throbbing with intense pain. 

"Lance..." His eyes flickered back to Lance's face, "what happened?" His eyes were soft with worry, his hands were trembling. "Don't answer," he added.

He started to remove the rubble from his chest, each shift allowing him more movement, giving him back a breath. He took a gulp of air, revelling in the feeling of his freedom. He could actually move his chest properly.

"Lance, are you okay?"

"I've got a thing of metal in my leg and it hurts like hell Keith. Not really." He placed a hand on his chest, felt his heart beat. Thump, thump, thump. A mile a minute, probably because of his close proximity to Keith. Keith must've hit something on his way because Blue was creaking and more rubble falling. Well, Lance couldn't exactly run away from the noises. He sat up slowly, he really did ache. Keith smiled softly. Lance smiled back.

"So..." Lance began, "what you said in your lion... Gonna say it to my face?" Lance groaned in pain as he shifted his leg a little. "Well, fuck." He was just going to have to wait it out, wasn't he? Okay, he could do that. 

Keith glanced away. His face was flushed a brilliant red and his hands were still shaking. "I.. I love you Lance. I really, really like you" he said, still not looking at Lance, "I just.. Fuck, this was dumb." 

No it wasn't. It wasn't dumb, it was what Lance had come to crave off Keith. He wanted to know how much Keith liked him, wanted to hold his hand and do whatever you did with someone you loved. How do you convey this in words? Lance wasn't good with words, his thing was actions. 

So why not kiss him? Seemed to do the job of explaining his feelings. He couldn't move much else, and Keith would accept it, what with this newfound revelation, so why not?

So he did.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Keith's, smiling to himself. He wrapped his hands around Keith and pulled him as close as humanly possible. Wasn't this the life? A rod of metal through his leg, in a breaking down lion kissing Keith. Wow. 

He broke away and lay his forehead against Keith's. Their breaths were in time and all they focused on were each other, before another rumble sent another part of Blue to the floor. 

"We're getting you out now," Keith mumbled and stood up. 

Lance looked to his torn leg, "Keith. Slight problem."

"Oh right, yeah" Lance wasn't expecting for Keith to do what he did; he was scooped up and carried bridal style by Keith. The thing that threw him the most was the fact that Keith could actually pick him up. It was probably what he got up to in his free time, what with his amount of time spent training. 

Then Lance, being held by Keith, both walked out and escaped in Red. They had to leave Blue behind sadly but Lance never forgot her. They got back to the castle and everyone was overjoyed at the fact that Lance was alive. He was rushed to a healing pod and he spent the rest of his life like normal and eventually went home. Keith came with him too. 

Why can't things end like that? But there's not always happy endings in real life. No. Pain is always there, disguised by joy. Here's what really happened;

Lance heard another rumble as the two of them made their way to safety. Another, much louder rumble than the ones that had sounded previously. He looked up, to see a large part of his lion come loose and tilt. It was tilting quite a lot. Too far, Lance thought, too far to stay stable.

"Keith! Watch out!" He warned, trying to shift his body weight so that Keith surged forward. 

Keith looked up to see the metal wobble and fall. 

It cut through the air like a knife, slicing downwards. They were going to be hit. They were going to be hit. They were going to be hit.

Lance hit the floor, bruising himself badly he reckoned. He wasn't crushed though. He could breathe, his heart was pounding, he was alive. How hadn't he been crushed? It was right above him and Kei-

No.

Oh god no.

Lance didn't want to look. He knew what had happened. He also knew that there was no coming back from something like that. You don't survive sacrifice. That fucking idiot. Why the hell had he, he... Died. Keith had died for Lance. He had died and Lance didn't even have the fucking decency to hold him. What of he was still alive? What if he could just make out Lance's figure, not coming to him? Lance didn't want to look, why would he? Why would he want to see the corpse of the boy he loved, who had loved him back? How long had it been? It couldn't have been more than five minutes, maybe two if the universe was feeling particularly cruel.

 

Lance looked. 

Lance felt faint. Due to the sight that met him or the sheer amount of blood he had lost, he wasn't quite sure. But he definitely felt faint. He shouldn't have looked. He was better off imaging the horrible scene than actually witnessing it. Not much prepares you for something like that, especially not a person you love. It wasn't even gruesome. It was just horrible. Keith could've been asleep, if you took away the blooming bruises and dried blood. Keith was asleep in a sense, he was never going to wake. Lance was never going to wake up from this nightmare. He knew that, if he ever got out (and his odds were diminishing with every second) every time he closed his eyes he would be haunted by Keith's sacrifice.

Stupid Idiot. Why the fuck would he sacrifice himself for Lance? Lance didn't deserve someone dying for him. Even if he did he wouldn't want any one dying for him, least of all Keith. He wanted people to live for him. If anything he wanted people to think, "everything is terrible but I'm going to live. I'm gong to live for everything, and for Lance" he'd live for Keith. Keith couldn't do the same, he thought bitterly.

Lance didn't think he would live. He had lost most, if not all, the use of his leg. What was even the point? Everyone else thinks you dead. Everyone has given up on you. So why don't you give up yourself?

So he did.

He crawled his way to a wall and screwed his eyes shut. Keith was there. He opened his eyes. He dug his nails into the palms of his hands, thinking maybe physical pain distracts from emotional pain, because that pain is so much worse. It didn't. It just hurt. Everything hurt. The universe seemed to want to hurt him.the universe seemed to want Lance to die.

Who was to argue with the universe?

**Author's Note:**

> \- newheights on tumblr
> 
> \- please leave comments!
> 
> -this hurt me as well


End file.
